20 Things Developers Should Stop Saying
Most engineers I know pick up jargon and abstract-talk as a way of fitting in or standing out in the bullpen. Sometimes the “technobabble” is used to obfuscate what is really intended or needed or simply to create a debate that only a Ph.D. in Rhetoric could enjoy — allowing only those with “technical chops” to “parse” what the speaker really means.
Unfortunately, these phrases are difficult for non-technical folks to understand. And partly it is not their fault because they are expected to take weak product strategies and poorly defined user stories and build greatness. But if you know an engineer, it is time to help him stop. Intervene because the phrases are often so annoying that they are “counter-productive” or worse a “red herring” and distract from what really needs to be said (and done).
Now, I realize that if we were to partner during “hack week” we would “see eye to eye” that many of these phrases replaced other less interesting ways of speaking and if swapped out, their replacements might make a similar list in a few years. Imagine if we replaced “low-hanging fruit” with “slow-moving meat” because our friends in sales (“elephant hunters”) were carnivores. We would all “lose our cookies.”
Regardless, below are my top 20 most irritating phrases that software developers say (in order from most “fingernails-on-the-board” disturbing). I am sure that every engineering, QA, operations and product management team can add many others to the list. With a little effort, you can help make this the “go-to” list for what engineers say that rub you and everyone else the wrong way.
We do not work against dates
We need more resources
Quality, speed, cost — pick two
What is the ROI of that feature?
We do not need reporting
The customer does not really mean that
They can use the command line
They can use the API
You wouldn’t understand
That’s a nice-to-have
We tried that before
I don’t understand the requirements (have you read them? no)
Can you QA this?
It is not a bug, it is a feature
That violates the CAP theorem
That’s the platform team’s responsibility
It will take 30 points
Did you see MythBusters last night?